Half-baked pie deal says a mouthful.

• Position: COMMENTARY

Byline: Sid McKeen

COLUMN: WRY & GINGER

Sometimes I think breakfast would be the best meal of the day if it didn't come while we're still too sleepy to enjoy it.

When we eat it at home, we each get our own. We don't even talk, just eat in the den and read the morning paper, swapping sections as we finish them. Mine consists of orange juice, cereal with banana slices, a cup of coffee and a ginger snap. That's it. My wife's is even more spare - an eight-ounce bottle of Ensure nutrition shake. Period.

Well, it does include two dozen vitamins and minerals, according to the label. Once in a while, we break the spell by having breakfast out, usually after a visit to the doctor or his blood lab. On these occasions, we're lively and alert, especially if the news there has been reasonably good, which I'm happy to say it usually is.

OK, but the subject today is not breakfast, or even doctors. It's the strange things people say to each other. Especially in everyday communication.

As we were seated, I noticed a large cardboard sign at the end of our table promoting a special restaurant promotion. "Buy three whole pies," it read, "and get the 4th one for free." I spend a lot of my time while dining out critiquing menus and other printed material, a constant irritation to my wife. "What do they mean, THE 4th one?" I asked her. If I'm going to buy three pies, that's all there are, isn't it? If I ran this place, I'd say `Buy three pies and get A 4th one for free.' Actually, I'd probably say, `get a 4th one for nothing,' because you don't need the word `for' in there. You'd get it free. Not FOR free."

"Oh, oh," she groaned, "I can see you're having one of your days. I sense a column coming on." I assured her I was only trying to be grammatical.

Just then the waitress came by to take our order. "I'm Joannie," she said brightly. "Is there...